Out of the Darkness: A Tale of Redemption and Second Chances

I'll never forget the day I died. It was a warm fall evening, September 3rd, 2005. My life's journey began in darkness, so naturally in darkness my path would follow. I was 21 years old and had become a leader of a small gang of rebels whose sole purpose was to party like rock stars and rule as kings, and we did. I had started drinking alcohol and doing drugs around age six, so I had mastered the indulgences of debauchery and organized crime. Well... so I thought. On this night, one of our crew members was celebrating his 16th birthday, so in our true fashion we didn't hesitate to pull out all the stops. We had all the inebriations you can think of... liquor, pills, shrooms, acid, etc... etc... and as their elder and leader I felt the need to display my dominance and ability to indulge to the fullest. So, I did, but little did I know... that decision would cost me my life.

I remember very clearly every detail of this experience. Having started indulging at such an early age, I had a high tolerance, especially for alcohol. At this point in my life, in order for me to fall asleep at night I would literally have to drink an entire fifth of tequila. It became a ritual for me, and I was legit a high functioning alcohol and drug addict. I was able to keep a full-time job, attend college full-time and be in a relationship with a woman who had no idea what I was really up to. But this night was different. This night I was determined to party as hard as I could to numb out the chaos that my life had become. My life choices had led me to the mindset of hopelessness and utter darkness. Weeks leading up to this night my fiancée at the time found out about my hidden life and decided to end our engagement and our relationship. This crushed me. It was the last straw that pushed me over the edge to completely reject God, faith and any desire to hold onto the sanctity of life. So, with every intent I was determined to dive into the darkness headfirst and not stop until I hit rock bottom. Well, I did hit the bottom... and that bottom was literally in a pit in hell.

It was near the end of the night on September 2nd. People were starting to head home or pass out where they could find room. I was so high that I felt like I was levitating, but I was tired and ready for my nightly tequila ritual. I said good night to my crew and went into my bedroom. I grabbed the fifth from the counter and started chugging it. I got about half-way through the bottle when all of a sudden, my heart fluttered really fast. For a quick moment it felt like time stood still and everything in my head went silent. Then, I felt a slight vibrating in my body that then quickly turned into violent convulsions. My eyes rolled into the back of my head, I dropped the bottle and fell forward, face planting on my bedroom floor. I honestly don't know how I remained conscious. I was fully aware of what was happening, but I couldn't control my body at all. I was trying to regain control and not panic but then I threw up and started to choke on my vomit. I couldn't breathe... nor could I move my hands to unclog my throat. Suddenly, out of thin air across my room a black portal opened up and these two hideous creatures climbed out. These creatures were the most HORRIBLE things I had ever seen. One was very tall and lanky, and the other was short and stout. Their skin was greyish black, their eyes were huge black holes...oval in shape, and their mouths were distorted and twisted in terrifying smiles. There was this black goo that was dripping from them, and smoke was coming out of their eyes, ears, nose and mouth. They were ABSOLUTLY terrifying. They locked eyes with me, and I couldn't look away. I felt them looking into my soul, and as I looked into their eyes, I can only describe what I saw as complete EMPTINESS. Nothingness. I remember starting to scream as they started to walk towards me. At this point, I couldn't tell if I was screaming out loud, or if I had died and my soul was the one screaming. As they reached out to grab me, I suddenly remembered that my parents taught me to cry out to God to save me if I ever was lost in darkness. So, with all the strength I could muster up I screamed, "JESUS SAVE ME!!!" and in a split second a giant, pure white hand slammed down like a wall between me and these creatures. It was like an explosion went off. It instantly blinded me, and suddenly I was in complete darkness. When I say darkness... I mean DARKNESS. I couldn't see anything, feel anything or hear anything. I was confused trying to figure out what was happening and where I was. After a few moments I realized I was kneeling down in the upright position, so I tried to move, but was shocked when I tried to move my hands but couldn't. My hands were stuck so I tugged again and heard the sound of chains. I tried to move my legs and same thing. Despair and panic started to wash over me again as I realized the truth of my reality. I died and God sent me to hell. I was now locked in chains in the pit of hell, and I could not move a muscle. After a few moments of trying to break free... I stopped and just sat in silence. Then, I started to hear horrific moaning and screeching sounds off in the distance. It started to get louder and closer, and I just lost it. I started to sob uncontrollably and scream out for God to help me for what seemed like an eternity. I started to remember all of the choices I had made that led me to this point. Over and over those memories played in my head... torturing me as it felt the chains were pulling me closer and closer to the ground. I sobbed until I couldn't sob anymore... I just was there... in darkness... alone... empty... without God. If I could describe what the bottom of hopelessness feels like, it would be this moment. I felt I was going into nothingness... Then, in the distance of my sight I saw a twinkling of lights. It looked like a galaxy cluster of stars or like when you look at the sun and see a bunch of dark spots, only these were light spots. They got bigger and brighter as they came toward me and then completely enveloped me. In an instant I was back in my bedroom, on the floor, awake and facing the same direction I had been when I faceplanted. I coughed up a big chunk of vomit, sat up and started to hyperventilate. I was shocked to be alive...

Hours had passed. The sun was up, and it was completely silent in my house. When I sat up, I realized that I had defecated myself. I was still in a bit of a haze, so I felt myself to make sure I was actually awake, and I felt different. I was completely sober, and my body physically felt lighter. Still in shock, I got up and cleaned myself off in the shower. I cherished EVERY drop of that water as it hit my skin... all my sense were amplified, and I couldn't believe what had just happened. I thought, "Was it real? Did I really die and go to hell? Did God really save me and bring me back to life?" I got dressed and went into my living room expecting to see people passed out and scattered throughout my home, but there was not a single soul there... not even my brother. But I felt like I wasn't alone. I felt a presence in my home, and it honestly scared me. As I walked into the kitchen I called out, "Hello?" to see if someone would respond that I just didn't see sleeping somewhere. When suddenly I felt like what seemed to be a man's arms wrap around me and the presence was so intense I became undone. I dropped to my knees and KNEW that I was in the presence of Jesus Christ. I started to sob again uncontrollably and cried for about an hour straight with no words. I just felt like Jesus was holding me while I let every emotion out that I needed to let out. Then something weird happened. When I calmed down and stopped crying... I started to get really angry and asked him why I was allowed to go through so much abuse, pain and misery throughout my life. I asked him where he was when I was getting raped by grown men and woman repeatedly as a kid, beaten, abused... and betrayed by everyone I loved. In that moment I'll never forget... He spoke to me. I didn't hear his voice... I felt it in and all around me. He told me that he never left me. That he was with me the entire time. I was so confused and angrily asked why... WHY and HOW could he just stand there and watch as I went through all that torture and humiliation. I even asked why he saved me and not just let me rot in hell as he watched. He told me because he has a plan for my life. A plan that I don't understand, but it is a plan of hope, healing and to prosper me in ways I can't imagine. I looked around at the hopelessness of the life I had been living and told him I didn't have anything to offer. "My life is garbage." I said. "How can you use a disaster like me?" He then told me, "Surrender to me. Follow me and I will use you." So... I did. I surrendered my old life to Jesus Christ on September 3rd, 2005. On that day, I died... and Jesus literally gave me a new life. He set me on a journey out of shame that leads to you, the person reading this right now... to tell you that hope for REAL healing is out there, and if you follow me... I will lead you to the Truth I have found.